Happy Mother's Day 💐

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful moms whom I'm blessed to have in my life.  This day is only one of many, that your value of a mom, shines through.  Each day you can look into your child's eyes and see pure true love, is Mother's Day.  Their triumphs and disappointments, their laugh and tears, their caring and disrespect are all moments when being a mom, is truer than true.  Because of the mom you are, your little loves are learning, growing and becoming their beautiful selfs and that is an everyday praise of us moms. 

I'm going to start with my mom, Candice.  She raised 5 beautiful amazing women on her own.  Yes my dad was always in our lives and a huge part, but she had us 24/7, 365 and that is hard work.  She is strong, loving and a great MorMor.  There is so much of my mothering that came from her, not the tough part but the times I hear myself say, "don't say hate", "we don't say shut up" and the most important thing she said to me, "never go to bed angry".  These things are so prevalent in my life and hopefully in my kids.  The love she puts into every thing she makes us, these are things that mean the most.  We were never rich, never had the best of the best, but I also don't recall wanting for anything ever.  I love you mom more than you'll ever know.  Thank you for teaching me that being kind to others is the most important thing in life.  Happy Mother's Day 🌷

Now onto two of the most amazing, wonderful, angels in my life, my Grandmothers.  The saying, " God created Angels", was thought of because of these two.  Their faith inspires you, their love carries you and to be able to have them in your life, is a true blessing from above.  Having a large family on both sides, they still make you feel as if your the only one.  I get very emotional when I try and put my feelings for them in words, because there truly are no words.  They are truly the reason for who I am.  The memories I have with them, will carry me through my lifetime.  I am so lucky that my children are able to grow up with these two women in their lives.  Happy Mother's Day Grandma Joy and Grandma Martha 🌷

My sisters are up next.  For those of you who know us, you know the Carrell girls stick together.  Never in my life have they not been there if I needed them.  My best friends from the start and my rocks.  All wonderful mommy's and all another example to follow.  Life wouldn't have been as wonderful, without them in it.  Happy Mother's Day, Heather, Holly, Heidi and Hillary, I love you 🌷

My Aunt Gay is another huge reason for the mom I am today.  I spent pretty much half of my young life at her house it seems.  When you think of that mom who goes above and beyond for her children, you would think of her.  Some of the most important parts of being a mom, I learned from her.  My sisters and I didn't play sports or in shows at school, but my cousins did and she was there for almost all.  She us their biggest cheerleader and I learned from watching her, how important that is for my kids.  One the occasion I wake my kiddos up with a song, I think of her.  When I'm staying up late at night to finish a school project or costume, I think of her.  She will never truly know how much is has impacted my life and I can assure you, I wouldn't be who I am today without having her to watch growing up.  Happy Mother's Day Aunt Gay, I love you 🌷

To all the other amazing, wonderful and beautiful mom's I can call my friends.  Each one of you are a true reflection of what being a mom is.  Your strong, loving, involved and caring women, who's kids are lucky to have you. I love you all and am blessed to have you in my life.  Happy Mother's Day to you 🌷

 

And finally to my beautiful little loves, my BEBE, I am blessed beyond measure to be your mom.  The day each of you were born, was truly the greatest day of my life.  Your hugs, notes, kisses and love get me through everyday.  Do we have rough days, of course but the great out weigh the rough.  I'm tough on you but it because I love you.  I want you to grow up to be the best you, you can be.  I want all I've learned from the amazing ladies in my life, to instill in you.  If there is ever a doubt of my love for you, just know that my life wouldn't be as wonderful without you in it.  Your my every breath, my heart and soul. Thank you for making me your mommy!

No one can understand the hard work being a mom is but a mom.  When your kids hurt, you hurt.  When their happy your happy.  So on this Mother's Day, let them spoil you, let them love on you a little more and know that this is our day for praise, but we know, everyday we have with our children is Mother's Day!

The start of her educational journey....

First Day of Kindergarten 2014-2015
(Elisabeth started four days after older ones, on 8/26/14)

The day started with sending the older three off on the bus, then my girl and I started our day.  The morning was filled with excitement, not only did school start that afternoon, Elisabeth also started her first gymnastics class that morning.  We were able to get in a brief snuggle time and had our talk about the upcoming school year.

This little bird was ready to jump out of the nest and fly.  There was no sadness, no tears just pure joy in getting able to ride the bus with her BFF Bella, have snack and maybe get to see her big brother in the halls.

I on the other hand was filled with sadness and tears.  How was it possible that my baby girl was starting Kindergarten today!  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was having a play date with family and friends, when they convinced me to take a test and I found out I was surprisingly pregnant AGAIN!!!!!  The joy I thought I would feel, knowing that in four short hours, I was going to have kid free time, didn't seem so joyful.

The time came and we went to the bus stop.  Smiles on both of our faces and one excited little girl.  She got on with no tears, no tears from me and a great day followed!

A special thank you to my friend Melissa, for taking me out for a birthday lunch that day.  A nice lunch with a friend and a margarita helped keep the sadness away.

Miss Elisabeth has had a wonderful few weeks so far and I'm sure the rest of the year will be the same.  I hope she learns to love reading, makes special friends and knows with knowledge, she can conquer any dream she has for herself!

First Day of School 2014-2015

This morning I sent three of four chambers of my heart off to school.  I was very emotional today, maybe it is because I'm another year older today or the fact that all four of my loves are going to school.  But today as each one of them got ready and I took their 1st day of school pictures, I thought, goodness where has the time gone!

Before bed last night, I gave each of them my new school year talk.  I told them how important school is, how giving it their best is all we ask, to embrace learning, have fun, you are smart and most of all be the beautiful you that you are! 

To their bus drivers, please take care of my babies.  Drive safe, no speeding and be mindful of the behavior of all the kids on the bus.  Don't take any nonsense and don't let them be the receiver of nonsense.

To their teachers, I give you my soul for 190 days.  I ask that you help them grow into the wonderful little humans, I know they can be.  To help them learn the love of education, to help praise them for their growth and help them with their struggles. To open their eyes to stories, history and the future.  To love them as much as I do when they are in your hands.

A truly special teacher is very wise, and sees tomorrow in every child's eyes. ~Author Unknown

Bradley Michael Hemmer -  7th grade August 2014

 

 

Emily Christine Hemmer - 5th grade August 2014

 

 

Benjamin Robert Hemmer - 1st grade August 2014





To my babies, I hope this school year is full of learning, fun and friendships.  Embrace all you are being taught, make new friends, try your best and most of all be amazing kids I know you can be.  Dad and I are so proud of you all and love you to the moon and back!!

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!



Realizing my worth as a stay at home mom

Six weeks after Bradley was born, Dave and I registered him for daycare, put a deposit down and had a week before I had to return to work.  As the days of going back to work got closer and closer, Dave and I would panic more and more.  Did we want to put our world into the hands of a stranger for 8 hours a day?  Could I drop him off each morning at daycare and actually walk out the door and leave him?  Finally we realized that no, we couldn't do it. Dave and I discussed how having one income would change the way we were living. Yes we would still have our nice house but our social life and freedom of buying whatever we wanted would change dramatically.  Both of us decided it was worth it, because we didn't have him to have someone else spend more time with him than we did.  

I would talk to my boss about possibly working from home a few days a week and having my best friend watch him the other days.  Luckily for us, my boss was awesome and I was able to work from home.  There were days that I had to go in but mostly, he was home with me and would even go to work with me if needed.  That lasted for a few months, when things changed at work and I was no longer employed.  It didn't matter to us, yes those few extra dollars were nice but Bradley was getting bigger and I wanted all my time with him.  That is when my career of being a stay at home mom began!

The years flew by, three more babies were born and I'm still a stay at home mom.  There are times when I question that decision.  When I wish I would have finished college and have a fabulous career.  When it comes time to pay for sports, Christmas, birthdays or new clothes for the kids when they have out grown what they have.  When I really want a new purse but one of the kids needs new shoes or wants to try another dance class.  When I watch Dave work some much overtime just so the kids can play/do what they love.  When I wish I could take some of the financial burden off his shoulders and contribute to our income.  When that interaction with adults in a work environment sounds really good over 4 kids fighting, Calliou on repeat, dishes needing to be done and another load of laundry to be folded and put away.  

Today is the day I realized my worth as a stay at home mom!  Here is a little background info as to why.....

Third grade for Bradley started a three year battle with school.  He struggled with reading and had a teacher that was tough, making school not enjoyable for him.  It was a daily fight and often ended in tears from both of us just to get through the nights homework.  He and I would sit at the dining room table for hours getting the work done.  I would sit with him and go over every question, read every page that needed to be read, because I was not going to let him fail.  I felt it was my job as him mom to make sure he did well in school, failing was not an option.  

Fourth and fifth grade he was blessed with the most amazing teacher I have even known.  As wonderful as she was, his struggles with reading continued.  She and I would talk about ways to get him to enjoy reading, how to get him to grade level.  Every night when the younger ones went to sleep, Bradley and I would read.  He would read a page, I would read a page and we kept this up until the end of the year. He was reading at grade level by the end of fifth grade.

Sixth grade came with new fears.  Would he be able to handle the work load middle school brings.  Would his reading slip again and would they give him the extra help he needs.  Would I be able to handle another year of fighting and frustration? 

To say middle school has been a miracle is an understatement!  The boy that struggled so much, is excelling! Today we got his 4th trimester grades and guess what?  HIGH HONOR ROLL again!!!!!!!!  And he is doing this all on his own!  No more sitting with him for hours, no more huge daily battles and no more tears.  Of course there are times when I have to say 15 times, "Bradley do your homework" but I'll take that over the fighting.

Here are the comments from his teachers for this term...

Term: M4

Course Name Comments

Applied Technology 6 Exceptional understanding of class content. Effort-Commendable. Outstanding job. Bradley is truly outstanding job this term. He stays focused and

on task, he is polite and cooperative, he is respectful and supportive of his classmates. I could not ask for a better effort from any student. It is a

great pleasure to have such a fine solid young man in class.

Info Quest 6 Exceptional understanding of class content. Effort-Commendable.

Warrior Boost 6 Effort-Commendable.

A Pleasure to Work With.

Language Arts 6 Solid understanding of class content. A Pleasure to Work With. Well Organized and Prepared.

Math 6 Course 1 Exceptional understanding of class content. A Pleasure to Work With. Very Cooperative. Effort-Commendable.

P.E./Health 6 Positive Attitude.

Solid understanding of class content.

Effort-Satisfactory.

Science 6 Solid understanding of class content. Very Cooperative. A Pleasure to Work With.

Take a moment to read the comment from his Applied Technology teacher.  Amazing right?  That is my Bradley Boo he is talking about!!!  

I cried!  I actually cried when I read those comments because I am so proud.  I am so proud that my child is so respectful, kind and an overall awesome kid at school.  I drill it into their heads to always be respectful to adults, treat their classmates kindly no matter what and that school is the number one priority in their life right now.  I am honest and tell them that I want better for them, than I did for myself.   

I should also note that Emily is just as amazing as her brother.  She is a blessing, never needed that extra time spent on school work and reading comes naturally to her.  She does awesome in school all on her own, getting straight A's last semester.  I have not gotten her report card yet, but I know it is all A's & B's.  I thank God for giving her, her smarts.  After the last three years with Bradley, I think he knew I needed a break.  Hopefully Ben and Elisabeth will continue on the same path as their siblings, but if not, I will be home to help them along with way.  My kids are going to move mountains one day, I just know it!

I am in no way putting down the mom's that work and raise families.  I think those moms that work all day and come home and take care of the household are freaking ROCK STARS!!  One day I will go back to work and hope I can juggle it all.  I don't think I could have done as well with Bradley, if I had a job to go to everyday.  High five's all around to your working moms who do it all!

Being a stay at home mom has allowed me to watch the four people who are my world grow, help them with their struggles, take them to practice, dance class, therapies and preschool.  I have had one on one time with each of them when they were babies, something I will cherish forever.

So the next time I am hard on myself for not having that college degree or the high paying job that makes paying for everything a little less stressful, I am going to look back and this and be reminded of my worth as a stay at home mom! 

Children's Memorial Radiothon with the Mix

Every year I listen to the Children's Memorial Hospital Radioathon on the Mix.  And each year, I spend the day thinking about the three little angels who left our lives to early but were given the very best care while they were there.

I will start off with the oldest angel, my brother Bradley.  I don't know much about his short life, three days I believe but I know he was taken to Children's after he was born.  He would have been a year older than me and the only son born to my Mom & Dad, but for some reason he was called back up and given his wings.  I think often about how it would be if he were here, how totally awesome of an Uncle he would have been to our kids. My Bradley is named after him and I like to think that maybe he is the kind of kid he would have been, a great one! One day I will meet my big brother.....

The second angel, is my beautiful niece Olivia Catherine Honaker.  She was not my niece by blood, but by the friendship with a girl who I love like my sister and who knows me better than my sisters.  Olivia had big beautiful brown eyes, chubby little cheeks and a smile that could light up a room.  She was a beautiful daughter and little sister to an amazing family.  She was born on October 1, 2003 and in December of 2003 was diagnosed with Leukemia.  Olivia fought one heck of a battle with a smile always on her sweet face. Sadly she was called up on July 10, 2004 and given her wings.  I often think what kind of child she would be and what would she look like.  Well because her three younger sisters look just like she did when she was born, I have an idea of how she would look and because her older sister is a pretty awesome kid, I have an idea of how she would be.  One day I will see her again.......

 Olivia and big sister Maddy

 Olivia Catherine

Olivia

 

The third is my beautiful niece Annika Carrell Briscoe.  She is the beautiful daughter of my oldest sister Heather and her husband Joe.  She is also the baby sister to my beautiful niece Candice.  Annika was born on September 26, 2005.  She was ready to come into the world much before her due date in December.  Annika had several health issues which I believe were due to her early birth and some other things.  She also was a fighter and fought a great battle, but her little body was too sick.  Sadly on December 1, 2005 she was called back up and got her wings.  I think of her often as well, how she would fit perfectly in this wild bunch of kids we have in our family.  How she would be so loved by her parents and big sister. She would no doubt be beautiful like her sister and probably a little spoiled cause she is the baby.  One day I will see her again.....

 

 

 Annika Carrell Briscoe



As I listen each year to the parents of these children talk, I am amazed by their strength.  I am proud of my mom, sister and best friend that after what they went through, they were able to get up the next day and continue to live a beautiful life.  These women are the strongest I know and I hope if ever I need to be strong, I can be as strong as them.  It makes you sit back and think, gosh that fight I had with my child is a blessing.  Every moment of everyday I have with them is a blessing.

I thank God for giving us our three angels if only for a short time.  Because of them we have learned that life is short, not everyday is a guarantee but most of all that we have three beautiful little souls up their watching over us.  A brother and two sisters who watch their siblings from above, that are that soft wind the blows their hair, or that voice that encourages them to do their best.  That warm fuzzy feeling you get when something good happens and the calm they feel when they are upset.  They will always have someone watching their backs if ever they feel alone.

To all you wonderful doctors, nurse's and support staff at Children's Memorial Hospital, thank you for caring for my angels and for all the other children that need your help!

2013-2014 School Year

On this eve of the first day of school, I talked to all four kids about the upcoming year.  Some are excited and some not so much.  A little bit of nerves, lots of questions and a countdown to Christmas break.  We have two milestones this year, Bradley starting middle school and Benjamin kindergarten.  All I can say about that is, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?  How is it possible my oldest boy is in middle school and my youngest boy in kindergarten?  Makes my heart sad, my boys are growing up.  As our my girls, Emmy is in fourth grade and Elisabeth in her last year of preschool.  I can't even think about next year, when they will all be gone everyday.  While my mind is doing a little happy dance for those few hours of quiet, my heart is singing a sad song, longing for the baby years to come back.  I pray that each of them get through the year with few struggles and lots of fun.  I pray that they make new friends and reconnect with old ones.  I pray that they can understand the joy of learning and not the woes of having to go to school everyday.  But most of all, I pray that they be THEIR best.  That they are leaders and not followers.  That no matter what, they know they are important, they are smart and they can move mountains.  Good luck this school year my loves, Mom and Dad are proud of who you are and who you continue to grow to be!  We love you!!

~ You're off to great places
Today is your day
Your mountain is waiting
So get on your way~ Dr. Seuss

Happy Father's Day

I have to post this blog today because I don't think I will be able to do it on Sunday.  Sunday will be a day I spend with my husband and children, to make memories with them like the ones I have of my dad.  I will also have a very heavy heart that day because this is our first Father's Day without him.  I miss him so much it hurts, daily.  But because of him, I know that I can't spend each day sad, he wouldn't want that.  So I will take that day and think of him, talk to him, talk about it and cherish every memory I have in my heart.

If you would have told me this time last year that it would be the last Father’s Day I would spend with my dad, I would have told you, you were crazy!
As I look back on our last day with him, before the news, I remember how happy we all were. He was at my house for a BBQ a day early because he was leaving for Maryland on Father’s Day. We could tell he wasn’t feeling well and he said they were looking into it. We sent him home with gifts, cards and lots of love.
I don’t want to re-live the following weeks, but will say that during those weeks I learned a lot. I learned how truly broken a heart can be. I learned that when you think you can’t cry anymore, you can. I learned that telling your children that their Grandpa was really sick was hard but telling them that he was in Heaven, was the hardest thing I ever had to say. But with all the sad things I had to learn, I also learned a lot of great things. I learned that my sisters and I were given an amazing Dad. I learned that my step-mom Terry was truly an Angel. I learned that the Carrell side of the family’s bond is so strong, it can never be broken. I learned that my husband is my rock. I learned that my children are my heart. I learned that my cousins will always have my back. I learned that my friends are the best. But most of all, I learned that I am not alone. That in my darkest hour, I am blessed to have such amazing family and friends. I learned that my Dad will forever be in my heart and he is always looking down on me, guiding me through life. I learned that life on Earth doesn’t last forever and that is okay because when I get to Heaven,  my heart will be whole again because I will have my Dad there to welcome me.
Happy Father’s Day dad! I love you and miss you so much. Thank you for being the best dad a girl could ask for. Thank you for being the best Grandpa to all your grandkids. We all miss you so much and look forward to the day we meet again! XOXO

ABC's of Bradley

I am trying my best to keep this blog updated, but everyday life isn't that exciting so I am stealing ideas from other blogs to help out.....

The ABC's of Bradley

A- Amazing, what I thought when I first saw him via ultrasound
B- Bradley Michael Hemmer, named after my brother Bradley and his Dad
C- Something he has never gotten on his report card
D- Dual Survival, one of his favorite shows
E- Energetic, always full of energy
F- Fishing, another thing he loves to do
G- Great at math
H- Happy, except when he has to do homework
I- Intelligent, going to do big things one day
J- July 20,2002, his birthday
K- Mrs. Kleisner, the name of his AWESOME teacher for the past to years
L- Loves hockey
M- Maulers, the name of his hockey team
N- No school, his most favorite thing to hear
O- Oakland, the name of his school
P- Pre-teen, YUCK
Q- Quiet?!?! Only when he is sleeping
R- Right wing, position he plays most in hockey
S- Super special he is to me, because he is my first born
T- Ten, the number of years he is
U-Universe, something he wants to explore when he is older
V- Victory is what his team had at their games yesterday
W- Wonderful, even during the rough days, it is wonderful to be his mom
X- XBOX , his new found love
Y- Yourself, something I tell him to always be
Z- Zero is the amount of minutes he wants to spend on reading

Goodbye 2012 & Welcome 2013

GOODBYE 2012
&
WELCOME 2013

I have been thinking about this blog since before the New Year but haven’t taken the time to sit down and write it. So here goes nothing……

2012 - Good riddance!! You knocked me down, broke my heart and left me broken for quite a while. To say this was the hardest year of my life is an understatement. I know what I feel is the “hardest” may seem like rainbows to other people’s problems, but to me it was HARD!! Sometime back in Spring, my sweet loving 10 year old, turned into a pre-teen walking monster. Man, I didn’t think this stuff started so early on, but my boy is defiantly trying to find his way in life and taking me on one hell of a ride. Then came that horrible day in June, when truly, life was sucked out of me. The five weeks following were full of 100% sadness. August 1st, is the day I hit rock bottom. I have lived pretty much everyday since then in a fog that was full of anger, hate, hurt, pain and sadness, worthlessness and self doubt. Thankfully for me, I really looked at my “God” and my Dad for help. I talk to my kids about both all of the time, so they know they are never alone and that there is a force greater than us, watching them and carrying them through everyday. I needed them, I needed God & my dad to get me back on my feet. I think I have found my way back, still sad but feeling alive again. So 2012, thank goodness you are gone and have taken your crap with you!!

2013 - Oh how I welcome you! I do not make New Year’s resolutions, because I think you set yourself up for failure with them. But I have some serious hope for myself this coming year. I hope that I can treat myself better, remember that I matter just as much as my husband and children. I hope that I can continue to raise my children to the best of my ability. I hope I can help them grow into their own person, filled with love respect and worth for not only themselves but all the people in their lives. I hope that my marriage can continue to grow with respect and love with a man who has taken so much these past few months and never shut me out. I hope that my faith will keep me grounded and growing. I hope that I can be a better daughter, sister, cousin and friend, to make sure that each person that I hold dear to me, knows just how much they mean to me. I hope to live everyday like it is my last and NEVER EVER have that feeling of guilt or regret that I didn’t say or do enough.

So 2013, I welcome you with open arms and look forward to a great year! Bring on the rainbows & unicorns!




"Begin today. Declare out loud to the universe that you are willing to let go of struggle and eager to learn through joy.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve

What does Christmas Eve mean to me? It means joy, faith, family and tons of fun!

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year to me. I LOVE everything about Christmas. I love that I have five houses to go to (not all on the same day), I love decorating my house, getting dressed up, making cookies and all the other things we do this time of year.

Growing up with these traditions was awesome. I remember waiting what seemed like hours with all of my cousins, downtown at the Walnut room for Breakfast with Santa. I remember the Christmas parade where I got lost and was scared to death, but new to go to a police man who put me on his shoulders and walked around until my Mom found me. I knew that at this time of the year, I would see my family a lot and that was always exciting. I have the best cousins in the world and being with them on Christmas was always the best time ever.

Christmas Eve is at my Aunt's house. It is stright out of a hallmark movie. Grandma playing Christmas carols on the piano, while the kids sit on the floor and sing, waiting for that knock on the door from Santa. Santa came from all different places, he always had an accent. One time Santa even came after a party at the North Pole I guess, when he had too much Egg Nog. But every year he came, I remember being so excitied waiting for that knock. We would each get gift a from him and it was always something I really wanted, I wondered how he knew. And the food, oh my the Swedish meatballs, YUMMY!! My Uncle should win an award for his Swedish meatballs, they truly are the best ever. Oh the memories!

(Me getting a gift from Santa)


These are the memories I hope I am making for my children. We still go to 5 places, make cookies, some years Breakfast with Santa or some other Christmas event that all the cousins do with our kids. We still sit and sing carols, waiting for that knock on the door. And my kids play with their cousins, just as we all played when we were young. Our family has grown and I am truly blessed to have all of them in my life.

(Most of the second generation of cousins at Breakfast with Santa, we miss our AZ family)

(Kids singing and waiting for Santa to come)

My kids know that Christmas is the day Jesus was born. That is the reason we celebrate, Santa is just an added bonus. I don't talk about my faith much because it is mine and my beliefs, but this time of year, always renews my faith and makes me remember why we are all together. I am thankful for my family, friends and my own little family. To the Lofgren side of the family, I want to thank you again for all of your love and support during the past months. I love you all so much and thank you for all the memories of the past and the ones sure to come. I love you all!

May you all have peace and joy today and make some wonderful memories for yourself and family.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

(My little family Christmas 2011)

Carrell Clan Christmas

Before I write about our Carrell Clan Christmas, I need to address the sad tragedy that occured yesterday. My heart breaks for those families, for those kids and for those teachers that do their best to protect our children when they are in their hands. May God wrap his arms around the parents of the ones we lost and the parents of the ones who survived and help them get through this time. I grabbed my kids in a bear hug when they walked in the door yesterday and cried when they were asleep. I can't think of what to say, just love your children and each other. God Bless everyone!



Tomorrow we will celebrate our Carrell Clan Christmas (CCC). For as long as I can remember we always celebrated with my Dad's side of them family a week before Christmas (depending on the calander). I remember being at my Grandma & Grandpa's, playing office, dress ups and having shows with my cousins. Once my Grandparents moved down south, my Uncle Fred and Aunt Kathy took over. My cousin Meghan had the best barbies, we would play for hours. Grandma's punch is another thing that sticks in my mind, when I was little, I thought it was so special because we got to drink it our of glass punch glasses. Tomorrow we will be at Aunt Kathy and Uncle Fred's again, but this time it is our children who will make their own memories with their cousins just like we did.



Granddaughters (There are ten of us but Pam and Amy aren't in this one, couldn't find a picture on the stairs)



All the Greats


Tomorrow will also be a sad first for our family. Our first CCC without my Dad, words I didn't think I would have to say for a very long time. My dad loved Christmas, so not having him with us is going to be hard. My heart hurts for my Auntie Ina and Uncle Fred because the loss of their brother is hard on them. And for my Grandma who lost her son, like any mother would feel, she didn't want her children gone before her. But we are all going to be okay, there will be some tears but Uncle Fred will remember him while giving thanks for this wonderful day and all of us in our own way will be thinking of him too. We will celebrate this joyous time of year as a family and the reason for the season, the birth of Jesus Christ.



(Dad, Bob, Auntie Ina, Grandma and Uncle Fred)

I find peace in knowing that my Dad will have a first of his own this time of year. While we are here on earth celebrating Christmas and thinking of him, he will be having a very special celebration in Heaven. He will have his first Christmas with his son, my brother Bradley, his only boy and his beautiful granddaughter Annika. He has his Dad and grandparents there as well and will be joing our CCC from above.

One final thing before I go. To my Carrell family, I love you all very much. Thank you for your love and support to Terry, my sisters and I during these past few months. I am truly blessed to have such a big and loving family, you all mean the world to me. Merry Christmas to you all and may the New Year bring us Hope and Joy. I love you!!

Getting back into this game called LIFE

Some may wonder about the title of this post, getting back into this game called life? This is hard for me to write and will be hard for some to read, but I need to find a way to get myself back into the game and by getting all I am feeling out might just be the way. It all started that horrible day back in June my Dad was diagnoised with cancer. Not just one type of cancer but three. On that day he was given only six to nine months to live. How could that be possible? How could my big strong and wonderful Dad be only given six to nine months to live? On that day my life changed forever. I spent the next 5 weeks watching him change, seeing this wonderful man being taken over by this evil beast. Why, why was this happening to him, why MY dad. Why my kids Grandpa Ray, it just couldn't be true. I hated God at this point. I hated this person that I was too believe wouldn't give me more than I could handle. That if I followed his path it would lead me into a good life. How could life be good now, the man I looked up to, loved and my children love is being taken from us. What kind of God would do that to a family. God and I have had many issues in the past, why he would take children from their moms, make it so some can't have any or anymore, why let bad things happen to good people. My faith has been questioned to many times and now this, this was just too much. I was consummed by my Dad. If I could have laid there in bed with him and never leave, I would have. I was lucky enough to have an AMAZING step mom who gave him the best care. I don't know if she will ever know how much she means to me. Because of her my dad was home. When he could he got to talk to his grandkids, tell them he loves them and most times just listen to what they had to say. I got to tell him how much I loved him and and that he was the best dad in the world. And when it was time to tell him that it was okay to go, that we would be okay. I said those words to him because I didn't want him to hang on in this horrible body for us. He needed to go and I know he was scared so I couldn't let him know that when he did go that half of me was going with him. The day my Dad died is the day I checked out. I wasn't okay, I'm still not okay. I have this sadness that overwhelms me, that takes away any enegry I have. I live with this guilt that I can't get passed. Did he know how much I love him? Did he know that I was so grateful for all he did for me, for my kids? Was I a good enough daughter for him? Was I what he hoped I would be when I grew up? Was I a good enough mother like he would want me to be? These are all the things I wish I knew he knew but most of all, I hope he knew how much I love him. Here we are, three and a half months since he passed and I still cry millions of times a day. I have questioned everything in my life, my marrige, my role as a mother, my family and my friends. I go through the motions of the day but not really there. The holidays are coming up and I dread them. It was his favorite time of the year and mine as well, but how I can get through them without him here. How can I walk into his house on Thanksgiving and not have him there? Thank goodness for me, I have an amazing family! I know my husband will be my legs when I can't walk inside the door. That my kids will be my strength when I don't have any. That my entire family as a whole will be light on that day when it feels so dark inside. And because of my kids, husband, family and friends, I need to check back in. I need to believe in this God that I talk to my kids about. When they want to talk about Grandpa Ray in Heaven, I need to practice what I preach. I need to believe that Grandpa is better in Heaven than here at home sick. I need to believe that I can look up into the sky or even at his picture and know that he has my back. He is taking care of me from above and doesn't want me to be sad anymore. That I need to live this life I was given to the fullest because it is only on loan to me. That I need to love my life and all that comes with it, good and bad because he gave it to me. Thank you to my Davey. I have put him through hell and back these last few months. I have loved him, hated him and left him out. But even in my crazy moments of screaming, yelling and blaming him for things that weren't his fault, he has taken it, sometimes better than others but always says he loves me. I apologize for it after the fact and he knows it isn't him personally but my broken heart talking. There must be a God because he gave me this man who isn't perfect but knows how to love me perfectly. To my kids, thank you for being you. You make me happy when you talk about Grandpa and how much you love him. Thank you for the hugs when you see me cry and for being the reason that I wake up every morning and get out of bed. And to my Ben 10, you will be 5 soon and all grown up like a big kid, so I hope you have that rocket ship ready to blast off to "Devan" (Heaven) to bring Grandpa Ray home. To my family, I'm sorry if this hurts you to read. I know my mom & sisters will worry about me but please don't. I will be okay, I'm just sad so so sad. I will be okay! To my friends, thank you for all your kind words when he was sick and for the love you gave me once he was gone. Your friendship means the world to me and I love being a part of your life and you a part of mine. This post is full of errors and all over the place but it is my heart doing the talking and me the writing. This is what I had to get off my chest and although very personal it is me and feels good to talk about it. Love to you all and a very Happy Thanksgiving! I promise to not let 2 years pass before I post again!

Holiday Season 2010

As I am putting away the Christmas decorations, I can't help but feel a little sad. Christmas is my favorite time of the year! My holiday season starts on Thanksgiving Day. I look forward to seeing my Dad's side of the family because it would have been months since I have seen them last. Then off to Dave's family and hopefully his sister Jen & family are there because we NEVER see them often enough. It is the one time of year where Emily has her other girl cousin Ellie there to play with, something she looks forward to every year. After that the older two and I go to my Aunt Gay's which I love because we start to plan our Black Friday day of shopping. Most people think I am nuts to get up at 2:30am to shop but I love it and look forward to it every year!

Bradley, Emily, Benjamin and Elisabeth Thanksgiving Day 2010



The weekend after Thanksgiving is when we put up the Christmas decorations. To the kids, this is one of the special times of the holiday season. I love watching them put the ornaments on the tree and hoping the tree doesn't topple over because all of the ornaments are on one side of the tree and at the bottom. This weekend was also super special because my bestest friend in the world gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Charlotte Grace!

Baby Charlotte



Kids decorating the Christmas Tree




Normally we will we have Breakfast with Santa as a whole group, but this year the kids and I along with their friend Spencer, had breakfast at Emily's school. They got to do a little shopping at Santa's secret shop, had a picture taken with Santa & some pancakes for breakfast.

Bradley, Spencer, Emily, Benjamin and Elisabeth at Breakfast with Santa




This year instead of having cookie day, we had a wedding to celebrate! My cousin Kelsey married the man of her dreams Mark on December 11, 2010. I was lucky enough to be a part of their special day by being one of her bridesmaids. She looked so beautiful that day and it truly was a wonderful time! Thank you Kelsey and Mark for letting me share that day with you. Love you guys!

Kelsey & Aunt Gay on the way to the Church




Finally the time had come.... Christmas celebration #1 with my Mom, Gary, Sisters & families. For the past few years I have hosted the celebration at our house. We have a nice sit down dinner & spend lots of time opening presents. My Mom & Gary, spoil us all rotten! My entire family is so lucky to have such a creative mom. She makes us wonderful presents, something my kids will get to cherish forever!

My kids, nieces and newphews



Cade, Connor and Bradley with their turtles that Mor Mor made them




The next day is Christmas celebration #2 spent at Aunt Kathy & Uncle Fred's for the Carrell Christmas. Another day of family, yummy food and more presents! It is always great to see that side because I don't see them as often as I would like.



The big day is almost here but first Christmas celebration #3 Christmas Eve at Aunt Gay's house. This day is one of the best. Swedish meatballs (they make the best), more family time and Santa's visit tops the list. We have been doing the same traditions since I can remember, singing along with Grandam Joy playing the paino waiting for Santa to arrive. The kids getting into their Christmas jammies so they will be ready for bed when we get home. And the best, yummiest food ever!

My beautiful family on Christmas Eve (note the girls are wearing Christmas Tutu's made by Mor Mor)




All the kids waiting for Santa's arrival



He made it, Santa is here!




The big day is here Christmas morning! Christmas morning is a huge day in the Hemmer house. I make sure I am up before any of the kids, sitting on the couch so I can snap pictures as soon as they get downstairs. The look on their faces when they see what Santa has left under the tree is priceless. We are truly blessed that we can give our kids such a wonderful day. Thank you Santa and Davey!











After opening presents here, we are on to Christmas celebration #4 at Dad's house. Dad and Terry make us the most fablous brunch on Christmas morning. And like Mom & Gary, spoil us rotten. I love them more than anything and can't thank them enough for all they do for us!

Finally the last stop of the year, Christmas celebration #5 at Dave's parents. Here we have a wonderful dinner, then more presents to open. Spoiled rotten once again!

On our drive home from the city, Dave and I talk about how it has gone by so fast. He is excitied this time of year is done and I am sad that is has passed so fast. I will miss seeing my family every weekend in December. While we all know what the true meaning of Christmas is, the birth of Jesus Christ, Christmas means family & love as well and I love my family more than anything in this world!

Wishing you all a Happy 2011!

Happy Birthday Bradley!

I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. Dave and I went to Chili's for dinner and I ate all of my food, so I said I think I might be pregnant. We went to Kmart right after dinner and home to take the test and sure enough I was PREGNANT! We were both so excitied and scared to death by the fact that we were going to be parents. I laughed and cried and took about 5 more tests the next day but by the end of day two of finding out, I hadn't been more excitied about anything in my life thus far.

On July 20, 2002 Bradley Michael Hemmer was born. He weighed 7lb 14oz & was 21in long. Just a perfect bundle of joy. Prior to having my epidoral, I said I was never going through this again but 4 babies later is living proof that you forget the pain of child birth and only focus on the outcome.

My Bradley Boo is my life, my first baby which will always make him super special in my heart. We been having our moments lately but it the days that he just gives me a kiss or hug for no reason, laughs till he can't catch his breath, plays with his little brother or tries to help his Dad that makes all the hard times we had seem like they don't even matter. He will move mountains one day and I can't wait to sit back and enjoy the ride. I love him more than anything in this world and I can't imagine my life without him.

Have a wonderful birthday Bradley. Mommy, Daddy, Emmy, Ben & Elisabeth love you so much!

My baby girl finished Kindergarten!

It has been a long time since my last post but I have to put into words how proud I am of my Emmy girl.

Today was the last day of Kindergarten, while there was no formal graduation, we made sure she knew what a big deal it was and how proud we are of her! She had an amazing report card again, all AC's. She had all AC's & one PR last semester, but the PR was in music because she couldn't carry a pitch and do concert moves????? Well this semester she can even do that and got an AC! Her teacher went on and on about what a joy she is and how sweet she is. She has the biggest heart and is sweet most of the time:)

As I look back when I was pregnant with her, I just prayed and prayed that she would be a girl. When they said we were having a girl, Dave and I both teared up. But the best part of the day was when we asked Bradley to try and say the names we liked. It wasn't until we said Emily that he responded with "Emmy". That was that, she was Emily from then on.

I am blessed with four beautiful children, all special in their own ways. I love them all more than anything in this world but they all know what makes them extra special to me and Emmy will tell you she is most special because she is "my first baby girl".

I will end by saying, Congratulation's Emily, you had a great year in Kindergarten. May all the years of schooling be as fun and easy for you. You are such an amazing little girl and we love you very much. Mommy and Daddy are so blessed to have you as our daughter and your brothers and sister are even more blessed because they have you to grow old with.

I love you Emmy!

Mommy